Personal Hell

Peach Sunday

2011-05-31T08:29:00.001-07:00

Peach Sunday by killhailmary featuring short skirts

TopShop corset top
$44 - topshop.com

Satine short skirt
ly.st

Kate Spade flower sandal
$170 - nordstrom.com

Buckle satchel
22 GBP - debenhams.com

Aurélie Bidermann feather earring
$1,300 - net-a-porter.com

Michael Kors Watches ball watch
$295 - my-wardrobe.com

Filigree ring
$275 - net-a-porter.com

Helen Kaminski wool hat
$295 - simplysoles.com

Cheap monday sunglass
23 EUR - hhv.de

American Apparel hair bow accessory
$14 - americanapparel.net

Faye is fashion risk taker?

2011-01-19T04:32:00.000-08:00

Okay. I may have talked a lot about life, problems, issues, opinions on serious matter, et cetera. But I think Fashion is a serious matter too. Only the risk takers makes a statement, word on word with the beauty of every lining, every color, every mix and match. It tells a story, a beginning or a ending. Before I'd go further in this discussion lol. I would want to tell you a trivia about me.

The suppose trivia: Before ever becoming a third year serious-in-graduating IT student, I have a lot of courses in mind. Art has been always a part of my heart, my inspirations, and many more. Even it means literary, modern, et cetera. Here's some list that I wanted to take:

Fashion Designer
Interior Designer
Fine Arts
Culinary Arts
Mass Communication
Criminology (To go CSI or something)
HRM (Especially in bar-tendering)
Film Director

And I actually think there is more. But I only remember the other from time to time.

Back to my discussion, I am a frustrated girl who wants to wear clothes that she actually thought about. And I tell you pretty make cute outfits in my mind, if I'm going to count them all maybe I have made 5 years all-seasoned collections (Also stereotype ones). But none alas, maybe 2 to 5 outfits have only came true. So for a girl like me? I throw my frustrations in Polyvore & Looklet.

Some of my work:

Note: Made the set, and also added the design so that it will look like from a magazine

I even have clothes for this kind of event, this kind of day, Oh! and mostly it's go-to-school-so-unique-but-still-on-the-school-code designs. (Excuse me for the next bias comments but this is my blog so..) Aren't I good enough? I can actually be like one of those in magazine editors, et cetera.

Just now I need a fucking fairy to grant my fashion wishes.

So what really changed?

2011-01-14T07:55:00.000-08:00

I bet you don't know what I am doing know, but you know what I have shared. Somewhat you know I have a lot of issues, it's like I'm going menopausal, but the thing is it's just like still growing. I do not know what the deal is, and I am trying to figure out. But let me tell you, something really changed.

Let's say; Mom enters, and start shitting about you always fed up in the internet. If I was still the immature she-doesn't-act-that-she-doesn't-know girl? I could've just shut up and that would be my life. But reality came (Oh by the way, I am not saying you'll be like me, but somewhat in the same page) and I began to question. So what If I am fed up with the internet, and why do I have no right? I study, do the chores. What else do you want? At least I am not making havoc in some place (i.e. in bed) or playing bitch with snotty friends down at the Starbucks that we have to drive about one city just to get there because it's where the cool kids are.

Can't they see, I have been more of a real and acceptable person than the one trying hard getting a life? I make my life, I do not have to fit with anyone to gain it. Tho it may not be obvious, I am proud of myself. Sometimes my life is hard because I try not to be beat down, but when life does. I just do my best to get the fuck back up and say, "Hey that's life, right? You only live once and mistakes are forever going to be burden.At least we die to forget it."

Sharing this to many kids out there that is certain following some quo, please don't. Been there, I laugh about it now. But we all go through it right? That's what I love about life, the irony.

It's a School Code

2011-01-08T08:57:00.001-08:00

It's a School Code by killhailmary featuring a crepe skirt

Sometime I actually think If I become rich enough to build a school, I will. But of course, my frustration on having to wear "not-so-cool" uniform inspired me to do this uniform for my so-called school. I know I would die to enter a school with cute uniforms like this tho.

The Update

2010-11-16T04:39:00.000-08:00

It has been too long since I have posted something in my little space on blogspot, a blog of mine that shows more sensible and things I have a mere point on. I love this world of mine, and I miss it. A lot has change also, since the last time I post something here. Your Faye was shitty, had anger issues, heartbroken, hated the world, and her always bitch self. But now? Girls. Let's party. Your BB Faye is jolly than ever, still has her anger issues, but a man to fully understand her all the way and support her.

His name is Noel Bryan Rimando. He's a normal person like anyone else people. He's not a bad ass from a alley, he's no rich man, he's no fucking guy in the movies. But he's a sexy geek from my dreams come-true. U DON'T WANT ME TO START TALKING ABOUT HOW WE STARTED. BUT SURE lol

He's also a blogger, like me. (I should have dated more bloggers in my life than school mates) Normal bloggers actually talk more, and are good people to talk to. He admitted he didn't want to talk to his love life, and other stuffs that would make a girl think "He's not ready for a relationship, he's still mingling" But the talk never stop. Good conversation always leads to something, and that something was something like a realization and into mature relationship. Not everything starts like that, something so clear and smooth. No fucking complications.

But more to our show-like relationship like is more serious than ever. I'm going to talk about that in the near future. Together with my Thesis rants, AND HOW SUPERMAN LIKE MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL LOVED AND NOT ALONE. "Awesome boyfriend is awesome, Lucky girlfriend is lucky"

She can't buy her little time.

2010-09-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

No, this is not about me speaking of emotional breakdown-again. But what I feel about my life now. I always remember the time at school when everyone is asked what is their age, and I'll turn out to be the youngest but taller of them all. I still experienced that on my high school, I wasn't the tallest (second to the tallest actually) but I was sure to be the youngest. College came in my life and all I've got to say now is, "Damn Faye, you're are not a kid anymore and some competition won't be on classrooms anymore."

To be truthful I am scared on what's to come to my life. I think I'm on the stage of i-wish-life-was-just-full-of-games-and-we-don't-have-to-grow-up, but now? I'm only a inch away from actually working and my Mom, or let us say Family will be counting on me now. To help on financial, etc. It scares me but still it intrigues me. I think I may have fantasized my future a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't dream of Prince and Castles and white horses. I dream't of a future that was close to reality but to realistic to attain, as a independent woman, has her own apartment, can provide her Mother and Sister financially, and still manages to buy some luxury for her own, a stable love life. You know that kind of dream. I can actually picture myself wearing a office suit. Ha-ha.

But I do want that though, my only problem is how. The possibility that it might not out that way scares me. The responsibility I hold, the model I want to be for my sister. Sometimes I just want to cry my ass off because it's hell not that easy. Some girls are so fortunate to already have their opportunity given by their parents. Sometimes I wan't to go far away, very far away but that would be selfish right? Even dying is. Some people doesn't think of this stuff not until they're 20-22. I am graduating in the age of 19. Oh god help me to even graduate in the right time. And we are having problems with money right now, and I need to help sooner or later. I don't want to be a disappointment. Who wants to be right? But sometimes things doesn't work out. Hail Mary, forgive me foe being a realist than being a optimist.

Nevertheless, I want to be happy. In my life. In my job. My family. My friends. Especially Me. I want a healthy life when I get there. I may have problems but I wish it's problems that won't get in the way of my smile. A little time, just a little more time. If I add more "Jesus help me" phrase here, it will turn into a prayer. But that's not bad, right? :)

Sa totoo lang?

2010-08-20T04:44:00.001-07:00

Hindi ako masaya, hindi ako galit, nasasaktan ako. Totoo nga ang mga sabi-sabi nila, na kahit gaano ka katatag o ka-mature. Pag dating sa punto na nasasaktan ka dahil sa isang bagay na tanging nagpapasaya sayo. Iba ang takbo ng isip at nararamdaman mo.

Gulo, Hilo, Ano daw?, Break? Break?, at bakit? May iba ka no?, Hindi, Hindi, may dahilan, maniniwala ba ako?, bakit hindi? Bakit Oo? Gulo, Hilo, ... (Repeat until fade)

Ang tama lang ata na naisip ko ay, wag na magsalita pa. Tama na. Tapos na e. Pero yung puwang, yung yearning ba yun? yun! Meron pa kayang magagawa? Sakit sakit e. Paikut-ikutin mo man, masakit! (LOL Magkaribal) Pero totoo, hindi mawawala e. Mabubuhay ako na sumasakit nanaman ito. Nakakapagbaba ng confidence umibig uli. Paano kung mangyari ulit? Paano kung mas malala?

Gulo, Hilo, Ano daw?, Iibig ulit?, Paano kung hindi, paano kung manloloko, paano kung, paano kung!, Gulo, Hilo, ... (Repeat until fade)

FInals na namin e. Kelangan mag-aral, ang sakit hindi inspired, ang sakit walang proproblemahin na tao, kung nakakain na sya, kung kelan muli kami magkkita, Ouch nanaman, Wala na ata akong ginawa na hindi masakit para saakin. Diba kelangan I'm doing good? Ewan. Siguro sasaya yung iba dyan na ito nangyayari sakin. Wala naman akong ginawang masama a, never ako nag-cheat, never ako-nag paasa, ang bait ko na nga eh. Yung iba baka pity pa, kawawang faye. Wala ng love life, nawalan ng life yung love. (LOL) Pag-asa? Wala na.

Rejoice! Rejoice! (Repeat until you die)

None of my business

2010-08-03T08:17:00.001-07:00

I'm so tired. Same doings in a same looking day, though the names of the day may change. And now this. I only look for two ways to escape this tiring life of mine, and actually think there is happening other than school and friends. Which are ;

Me, in my room. Peace.
Comforting words from the one you love the most

But just fucking slash the second one. All I can really depend is on myself and weirdly my room for everything to turn out OK. I'll just sleep and in my dreams I wouldn't remember anything. Or I'll just cry my eyes out, sleep, and just wake up to another day. Same. Fucking. Day.

I don't know what I've done. I don't know why my efforts are thrown in the ground like a piece of paper. Am I worth nothing to you? Kulang pa ba? Gusto mo pa? Lahat lahatin ko na? Wag na ako magbigay para sa sarili ko? Kung hindi ka ba naman tanga e, malalaman mo yan na sitwasyon ko ngayon e. Wala na. Yan nanaman ako. Sige. Simulan ko naman mahalin sarili ko ha? Kahit unti? Ha? PAHINGI? HA?

Sige. Salamat. Akala ko ayos na, yun pala. Kayo yung maayos.

PILIPINAS!

2010-07-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

I drew the Philippine Map. It was my Sister's project/assignment/seatwork, IDRK. I'm just proud of it. I know I did draw this a million of times but I'm just proud of this one because this is the only drawing of it I pictured.

Took me a while but not that long too. Haha! I HAZ A TALENT. TAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Amazing, right? A kid like me can draw. Even of my issues.

Recently I think I'm fine. I just think. Maybe I'll just pass my subjects this Sem then I'll be more happier. IDK of anything else ATM. Boyfriend, Friends, Family. I'll set aside it first. I REALLY NEED A "ME" TIME YOU KNOW?

I think I deserve a bit because I've been doing nothing for my life. And I'm already 3rd year college. Then I heard my best-friend wants to take SYSDES next sem. I want to die. WHY IS OUR MIGRATING PAPERS TAKING SO LONG? Yes. You heard that right. We'll be migrating to LA. And it's taking so long, last time I heard we already PAID for it. LOL. Where's the Interview? ASDFGHJKL. FUCK YOU AMERICA. You know I'd rather live here. But I need to get rich first before going back here. The only problem in my country is that no filipino can get rich here, at our own country land. We still have to go to other countries for that to happen. While the Chinese, Spanish people are the ones taking all the millions. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'm no racist. But a Realist. And that. is. the. truth.

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2010-07-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

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I've been yearning to watch this Movie since yesterday. But I didn't have the time, because what I was watching was "Naruto". I've bravely watched the part where Itatchi died. LOLJK. I didn't I just watch 'till the part where Itatchi was already tired and close to dying. I love him too much to see him die. Maybe later. LOL

So here I am, going to watch this so that I'll laugh. I've been sulking too much this past few days about many things. Like I said. I have issues. It hurts.

2010-07-23T03:18:00.000-07:00

Eto nanaman tayo.

Love. Rant. Love. Rant. It just goes together doesn't it?! Parang sinabe mo na walang kanin kung kung walang tubig, walang gamot kung walang sakit, walang malungkot kung walang masaya. Nakakainis naman e. Tapos ikaw lang yung makakadama. Hindi nya alam pagkukulang nya, eto ako magpaparinig na lang.

Mahirap magtayo ng isang relasyon na para sa dalawa na may kasamang pagka-"mature". Sinasabi ng iba para namang mag-asawa na kayo kung ganon, para namang boring, para namang nakakasawa. Pero magrereklamo kayo napaka-manhid, dedma, selfish ng boyfriend/girlfriend nyo. It takes real maturity para pumasok ka sa isang relasyon na alam mo e itratrato mo ang kabiyak mo ng tama pati na ang sarili mo. Hindi ba?

SITWASYON KO? Mahirap sabihin kung ano.

Sorry kung sasabihin ko hindi ako sure kung mahal ako. Pasensya kung sasabihin ko ako lagi naghahanap ng time. At "I'm-so-sorry" kung hindi ko kaya makipag-break sa dahilan na ganun kahit mature ako, o hindi ako tanga. Kasi nakipag-relasyon pa ako, hindi man lang nag work-out, wala man lang may magtitiis. Ganun talaga pagibig e. Lagi may labis at kulang. Sige nga mag cite kayo ng example na equal talaga sila. Kasi kahit saan o tignan may ginawa ka para "i-understand" yang ganyan nya na "attitude". Natutunan mo na "tiisin" yung ugali nya na ganun, at sure ako meron din sya na nagawa na ganun.

Yan lang kasi yun e. Sa "understanding" hanggat kaya pa intindihin, kaya pa ibuga. "We will work this out" kung baga. Pero once na magulo na ang isa, at hindi na kaya intindihin ng isa. Wala na yan. Wala na ~*~spark~*~

GUSTO KO? Unting panahon at effort po.

Para maramdaman ko din na may nagmamahal sakin. Yung may nag-a-alala. Yung habang nakain ka, maiisip mo kung kumain na ba ako. Sa mga simple na bagay na yun. Sana maintindihan mo ako.

PERO KAYA PA DIBA? Hindi ako demanding. Sige, okay lang kahit hindi mo gawin muna.

Pero kelan mo kaya mapapansin yung ~*~effort~*~ ko? Wala ako CP a. Pero nakakatext ako. :) Kaso ikaw nakaibang-sim. (Fail) Lagi kitang bino-blog! Kaso ikaw busy para mag-OL. (Fail part 2) Lagi kitang iniisip, inaalala, napaguusapan ng mga kaibigan ko. :D Pero ikaw mas madami kang ~*~important-stuffs~*~ to do. (Fail part 3)

KONKLUSYON(?) : Mag-tiis ka 'teh. Bleh.

Bagyong Basyang

2010-07-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

So the electricity just got back.

July 13 12:05 PM School

Got loaded. Immortal para may pangtawag
Text boyfriend : No answer

July 13 1:30 PM Robinson Mall

Tried to call boyfriend many times : No answer
Went to karaoke

July 13 3:15 PM Sta. Lucia Mall

Ate some snacks
Tried to call again : No answer
Having doubts that boyfriend wasn’t using his Globe Sim

July 13 3:20 PM Sta. Lucia Mall

I was right

July 13 5:00 PM Home

The rain started

July 13 7:00 PM Home

The rain is starting to be a bitch

July 13 9:00 PM Internet

Badtrip sa Anon

July 13 11:55 PM Room

Brown out

July 14 12:00 AM Room

Tried to call once more : No answer
Badtrip
Pissed
Tried to Sleep

July 14 3:00 AM Room

Successfully fell asleep

July 14 9:00 AM Sala

Fussing to know if there was classes
Decided not to go to class even if there was classes or not

July 14 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM Sala

Asleep

July 14 6:00 PM to 10:30 PM Sala

Waiting for the Electricity
Play card games
Text some frieds
Tried to call again : No answer

July 14 11:00 PM Sala

He texted
With a Smart number
His cousin died, I feel bad
Everything felt OK after

Happy 1st Monthsary Babe! I love you.

-----------

Posted that via Tumblr. Frankly I hated the Brown out part. Why? Well most things I do in my life includes a little bit help from the electricity just like the Internet, the Laptop, the Air-con at school (So that I can study a bit better), and especially to charge the Temporary CP of mine.

And it was my Father's Birthday! Happy Birthday Dad! I hope Basyang didn't give you any birthday problems. Isn't that cute? Monthsary of my boyfriend Dylan and the birthday of my father in the same day, which ended up in a brown out.

That's the reason why all I did was sleep. I don't know why. But I suddenly felt like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty). I slept on 10 AM, I just waken up because it was damn hot. I ended up in the sala and fell asleep. I suddenly woke up by 12 PM, still sleepy I continued 'till 2 PM and decided to go to my room and sleep once more which ended up 'till 5. And I decided I should eat Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner now.

Yes. I didn't ate that much. Because rest was the hunger. LOL. IDK why really. It's not like I do many stuffs every week. Oh wait! I do! School. Fuck school. Draining me alive. And the thing is I'm not even doing good ATM.

But whatever! Study later. My high-school best-friend is coming tomorrow at my house and celebrate my birthday. Yes. Liquors again. I need Hangover so badly, like I said.

Turned 18

2010-07-10T03:44:00.000-07:00

It was the best thing that ever happened this year, It was simple but fun. By the Morning everyone was already flooding me with greets at Facebook, and I made sure I'll say "thank you" to every greet. Frankly my birth day was busy as hell. Quizzes on two subject, three of my friends went to audition that I all went to support, and went to the mall to help Paola buy me a gift. LOL

My best-friend gave the first gift for me. A little bag. I like bags, but seriously this one was small. I opened the bag and there was a card, a card that is given from the baggage counter. I was like, "Uh-huh, I knew it." After the Laboratory so I was getting my bag. The guy gave it to me. No surprise. Oh. Then I looked for Paola because I have her bag too. I found her at the CR. Sai, Ralyn, & Paola was like, "Yan lang dala mo? Wala ng ibang kasama?" I said, "Uhh oo, bakit?" Paola suddenly went outside and I followed. There was Daniel (best-friend) Holding a big teddy bear, now seriously this one was big. Then he started ranting about the guy from the baggage counter who didn't include my gift with my bag. I laughed to this failure, but whatever. I have a new big teddy bear which I don't know where to put because I feel it will consume3/4 of my bed.

Meet Vladimir. IKR, It's so fluffy! Too bad I didn't got to take a picture of the cute cake that Paola gave me, because. Ugh. Well it fell. Not fully ruined but the design was ruined. A classmate of my sister gave me a Dog Bear I called it, Doug. Like the one in the movie "Up" because the Dog Bear looked just like the Dog. Duh. What else.

So about the Party. The first batch was my friends who said they need to go in 30 minutes. After they ate, I gave them the Tequila to make them stay longer. I wasn't being forceful for them to stay right? It was kind of a bribe. LOL, IKR. But I really want them to enjoy. So 5 PM, after their so called "30 minutes" they went home quarter to 8 PM. My friends even got to sing at the karaoke. My best-friend was like the assistant of my Mom, while we were drinking he was there cooking, arranging stuffs, etc. I so love him for that one.

By 8 PM, the 2nd batch came. After we ate, then off with the Vodkas & Gin. Basagan na 'to. It was fun, really fun I want to do it again. Some of the guys are already red-faced. After they went, Paola & Daniel still stayed. Mom was worried of them to go home by 11 PM. They lived like 5 miles away from me. They might die or something, so they stayed. Meaning continue of the session. We stopped by 3 AM. Morning came and let's just say. Hangover for the 5th level. Not that bad though, because I still managed to go to a date with my boyfriend Dylan. We watched the movie "Knight & Day". And ate for a little bit, we didn't ate lunch because, he was full, and I on the other hand might puke if I ate a heavy lunch. But I had a DQ on the way home. LOL. We parted earlier because he has some other debut to go to. Oh well. At least I saw him.

Now I'll spam you with pictures!

With the guys (Daniel, Kelvin, Aaron, Morris, Noel, Gerald, and Arvin the one who is taking this picture). Paola & I are the GHURLS.

Amare, Ate Sha, Ruffa, and Debbie!

Arvin: I see you what you're doing there Faye.

Paola & Kiara

Our pulutan. :9~ Yum

More photos here.

Me.

2010-07-06T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is another blog besides my Tumblr account. Where, is, my first Blogging Site. I made this thinking to branch out more, or let us say, really have a blog "blog". Does anyone getting me right now? Oh, I don't expect followers because you need to really subscribe to this blog which is thinking someone following my Blog is funny. What do I have to offer you? What do i have to say to help you through your life while I can't barely help myself in my own life.

But do you really want to know why I made this? You know that my birthday is this Friday right? And I am turning 18. Yes. I am going to be on a legal age. Not legal to go pregnant though. But I do think I need to be responsible in some ways. And my Mom expect me to. Meaning to do more chores! Right? Oh and be more dependable, trustworthy, not be a slut, responsible, etc. But I think I need to go to rehabilitation before that anything happens! Oh gosh. Good thing my Mom doesn't do blogs just Farm Ville.

Hey! Isn't this Fun? I have already survived two paragraphs! And frankly I'm running out of words to say because I just made this account and edited the look of it. I can be a designer don't ya think? No? Well. Fuck you. Go to yo own blog. Sheez. Well again, I am actually sick. So Mom wants me to sleep early right now. And ... UGH! I'll tell you more about my issues with the internet here, and how my family shares a part in that story.

See you guise in the next post! Maybe after my Birthday, Arayt? Sounds good right? Or maybe I'll be just back by tomorrow. I need Internet Rehabilitation like that.